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The Piñata of Doom
I will never forget my first day of wedded mortification.
We got married at the ripe old age of 20, so people weren’t quite sure whether we were ready to tackle adult topics or not, even though we assured them we were. Apparently not!
Like everyone, we we spent the first night after our wedding in a hotel. The next day we were leaving for our “official honeymoon” to the glamorous and exotic Galveston Island, and we stopped by Tim’s parents’ house to pick up a few gifts and household items before we left. There were lots of out-of-town guests still lingering around, and frankly I didn’t even want to go into the house.
“They’ll know we had sex!” I practically whispered, even though we were still out in the car.
Tim laughed, “Uh…yeah… so? We ARE married.”
“Well, I’m not going in.” I said.
(Tim rolls eyes…) “Oh, come on! No one is going to say anything!”
“Yeah, but they’ll be thinking it.”
“Well, they can think what they want. Come on, honey. You can’t hide out here forever.”
I gave a big sigh. “Fine.” I can do this…I told myself.
Tim got our bag out of the back of the car. However, it was one of those convenient hanging bags where the pocket is upside down when you fold it over and carry it on your shoulder. And… that ginormous pocket was not zipped up.
We walked into a full and jovial living room, but the laughter died as Tim made a his cheerful but completely oblivious bee-line through the middle of it. Every step he took bumped the bag and with each bump of the bag, another embarrassing item fell to the ground leaving a trail of sex paraphenalia for me to scoop off the floor, like a piñata of doom. First there was a red push up bra, then the matching thong panties, then a whole slew of condoms, a diaphragm, a two-day sponge, spermicide, ky jelly, pills, and yes, a gift of edible underwear. Every time he dropped another item, I said, “Oops!” and avoided eye contact as I tried to scoop up the item before anyone saw what it was and quickly stuff it into my shirt.
Of course, what better way to draw attention to yourself than this?
We made it into the bedroom before I burst into tears, vowing I was never, ever returning to this house as long as I lived. Tim still didn’t know what he’d done, and said, “Honey, no one even said anything…”
“Do you not hear them all laughing out there?! You dropped ALL this on the floor, one by one as you walked back here,” I shrieked, dumping out the contents of my shirt.
Now it was his turn, “Oops.”
Less than twenty-four hours of marital bliss….
We’re still learning to handle our foibles with grace and dignity, but I guess if we never do get to a place of quiet dignity, I’d best learn not to take myself so seriously. 
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
Filed under: Humor, family | 4 Comments
Tags: Humor
Cats, Dogs, and Enjoying Today
The Champagne for the Soul challenge update- one week of joy. Mike Mason’s challenge was to choose joy intentionally rather than default to depression. Well, I’m ashamed to say I actually suffered withdrawals from going off depression.;-) Two things have stood out to me this week about the state of mind. One I learned from my dog.
Carson’s Dog Day: *
6:30 a.m. Greet my family- my favorite part of the day!!
7:30 a.m. Watch the family eat breakfast- my next favorite part of my day!!
8:00 a.m. Ride to school with the kids- my next favorite part of day! I get treats from the principal!! That is my favorite part of my day!
8:30 a.m. Watch my mom workout- My favorite part of my day!
Morning: Take a nap! A personal favorite activity of mine!
Afternoon: Sun myself- My favorite part of my day! Unless it is raining, in which case I would get to enjoy my favorite activity… napping!
3:30 p.m. Go get the kids! My favorite part of the day!
7:30 p.m. Eat my dogfood, which is lovingly coated in sauce every time my family remembers that is my favorite!
9:00 p.m. Family reading time- my favorite part of my day!!
10:00 p.m. Go to Bed… What a wonderful day I had!!
Now contrast that with Marcelino’s Cat Day:
Day 785 of my captivity. My tormenters continue to barrage me with psychological warfare, tying furry things on strings in hopes of driving me insane. I return their tactics by scratching up their furniture, vomiting up hairballs, and showing my deep disdain for them when they screetch “Here kitty, kitty.” Noise torture, I’m no fool. I’ll simply outlast them by never giving more than a steely glare.
And Mike Mason rendered a joke along the same theme:
Three old men were sitting on a park bench, discussing why they’d had such a great life. The first old man said, “My wife and I have had sex twice a week for our entire married life. I’m sure that’s the secret of why things turned out so well.”
“Oh yeah?” said the second. “My wife and I have had sex three times a week, and I’m two years older than you. I guess I’d have to say my life has been even better.”
The third guy just sat there smiling to himself. The other two, after a pregnant pause, asked him what he was so happy about.
He replied, “My wife and I have always had sex once a year, and today is my day.”
So, that’s what I’ve learned during week one. Today is my day. My day to love. My day to pray. My day to enjoy. My day to stop worrying about “my tormenters” and start appreciating all that is my favorite part of my day!
*Dog/Cat diary adapted from a post I saw online by an anonymous author.
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Relationships/ Psych
Pass the Plate for Vibrators
Here’s an outrageous blunder that’s even worse than my last entry. I used to play keyboards for our church worship band, so that meant lots of time on stage being aware of your posture and mannerisms. Our pastor was detailing a “current needs giving opportunity” to the congregation and here is exactly what he said.
“We have been getting lots of new young families visiting our church lately. As you know, most people who come to this church are not used to the church culture, so leaving their child in a nursery at a strange place can be unsettling. What we’d like to do is take up a collection to purchase vibrators for all the young mothers so they can relax during the service.” (oh, yes…he continued…)
“So, when the parents drop off their children at the nursery, the workers will simply give the mother a vibrator that she can take with her into the service. If she gets anxious, she will know she has the vibrator and should anything go wrong, she will have an extra measure of confidence. Now each of these vibrators costs $85, and if we had about 12…. blah, blah, blah, vibrator, vibrator, vibrator….”
Gasp! He would NOT stop saying it! Although he was completely clueless about the impact of his words, his wife, who was on stage with me, was so humiliated that she stepped behind the projector screen, thinking she was hidden from the audience. Unfortunately, she was only doing a projected shadow dance of mortification for the entire audience and doubling the entertainment value of this colossal faux pas. She was alternating between fanning herself, burying her face in her hands, and doubling over from the emotional angst of it all.
Maintaining composure on stage was nearly impossible. Our bass player– a 21-year-old college student– looked like someone who had just opened a bag of salad slop, somehow missed during last year’s refrigerator clean -out. The drummer had started frantically searching for something on the floor, desperate not to make eye contact with anyone. I was hoping he had a button for a sneaky trap door or perhaps a gong that would end the torture. The audience was wide eyed at first, but eventually the laughter was not contained. But our pastor? He never caught on. I was the next-up speaker to transition into our video. Do I rescue this poor man? Do I acknowledge what just happened here? “Okay well… I’m sure we’ll all want to contribute to such a worthy cause for the kingdom. Ahem…”
Of course, he meant to say PAGERS. I sometimes wonder how many times everyone else is clued in, and I have no idea how I’m coming across.
A few weeks ago, I was at a social outing with my friends and I wondered what would happen if I didn’t try to influence the direction of the conversation. I had just spent an exhausting day with a friend who was making everything into a conundrum and I wondered if I had the same impact on others. So this time, I just listened, and made small non-influencing comments. And I was shocked! After an nearly an hour of dialogue, we hadn’t moved off of the topic of various casserole preparations. Oh..my…gosh! What if I’m always talking about deep topics and everyone else wants to talk about casseroles? Can it be true that I am as clueless as my pastor was that day?
I laughed about my experiment with a friend a few days later. She said, “Well, sometimes people do just want to go ‘ahhhh…. let’s talk about food…easy topic.’ But I assure you, you are so valued for what you bring to the table and our lives would be so much more humdrum if you didn’t push us to THINK.” I’m definitely going to repeat the experiment. Anyone got any good casserole recipes?
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
Filed under: Humor, relationships/ psychology | 1 Comment
Tags: embarrassing moment, friendship, Humor, self-awareness
The Failing Façade
Have you ever been caught in a massive lie? Or perhaps worse, realized you’ve been lying to yourself and it has wreaked havoc on your life?
When I was in high school, I was enjoying semi-dating relationship with a college guy I’ll call James. Yeah, that’s his real name. Anyway, he would call and tell me all about Baylor and college life and how much I would enjoy it if I matriculated at his school. One of my fantasies about college was that I would find a perfect church where perfect people attended and experienced perfect fellowship in the Lord, so I often asked him to tell me about his church.
Knowing just what this girl wanted to hear, he obliged me often. “Oh yeah,” he would say. “You won’t find a better church anywhere than the one I go to. Everyone just accepts everyone else. We all go out together after church. The teaching is the best. Even though you take notes religiously in class, nothing compares to the copious notes you take during the sermon.” Starry-eyed, I couldn’t wait to visit.
So, my friend Craig and I decided to plan a visit with James as our host, which meant James now had a problem. He had never actually attended church while he was away at college. So he asked his buddies for a church that fit the description, and they all agreed that New Hope Baptist Church was definitely the place to take me if he wanted to impress me with the best.
Sunday morning James confidently pulled up in the parking lot, having practiced the drive before we arrived. We were a few minutes late, so we were the only ones walking up to the door, but we could hear the music from the parking lot. James opened the door for me and the three of us walked in together and stood frozen in our tracks. The music stopped for a moment. 200 pairs of eyes turned around and looked at us, and all 203 of us starred at each other for a second that seemed like an eternity. We had walked into a 100% African American congregation, who had decided– after the shock of our stark whiteness – to warmly welcome us, and beckoned, “Y’all come on in!” I looked at James with raised eyebrows, thinking surely he would have mentioned that in this fabulous congregation he was the only white guy? After he picked his jaw up off the floor, he clung to his lie stammering, “It wasn’t like this last week!”
James and I (and Craig, too, my dear departed friend) have all enjoyed telling this story, and the moral has usually been, “Be sure your sins will find you out.” But now, it is taking on a new meaning for me. The more we live in close relationships to others, the more our lies and habits get exposed. What do you when you have been exposed, either to yourself to others? Is it a welcome chance to grow, or something you try desperately to cover up, fearing rejection or humiliation? And how about when someone else blunders royally right in front of you? Can you embrace them as they are? Exposure produces growth, and God graciously gives us the mirror of relationships that expose our flaws so we can learn to respond to His grace and grow into greater maturity.
*Thanks to Mark Woods- Relationships: The Context for Growth
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Humor
Forty- A Journey into Joy
Today I turn 40, and this morning as I woke and thanked the Lord for the gift of life, I felt Him say, “Psalm 40 is for you, kiddo.” Thank you, Lord! He does put a new song in my heart and provide me with a firm place to stand. It is so true that His works, even the ones I have personally witnessed, are too many to declare. He has not asked me for sacrifices, and I hope to obey with a heart of love and gratitude for Him.
For the next 90 days, I’m accepting Mike Mason’s challenge to live in the joy of the Lord (Champagne for the Soul: Rediscovering God’s Gift of Joy) . As a person who has experienced a major depression and ongoing chronic dysthymia, this is going to be a welcome challenge for me. My plan, at this point is to be intentional about several things.
1- Remembering the many blessings, gifts, and experiences the Lord has given me with Him.
2- Living in the wisdom of accepted tenderness- taking in God’s full acceptance given to me and inviting Him to love others through me. (See The Wisdom of Tenderness- Brennan Manning )
3- Acknowledging the emotions that I feel, but choosing my thoughts with care. I will be conscious about where my mind dwells, and I will spend time choosing to dwell on the joys God offers to us as His children.
4- Singing! And connecting with what is good.
5- Expressing my love and appreciation to others.
This is an experiment, really. Not a re-dedication, or an all-out determination that will be manifest through sheer strength of will. Rather, I’m going to see what God does with it, just as Mike Mason did in his journey into joy. I look forward to what God will show me, and I know this is a specific invitation.
Thanks for reading and I welcome you to join me.
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Brennan Manning, Christianity, Conscious thoughts, Joy, Mike Mason, Spirituality
Busted!
Several years ago, our home was buzzing with the activity of trying to get two adults and two small children ready for a very formal wedding. The ceremony was to be held at a church where my husband had previously served as associate pastor, so of course we would be seeing lots of old friends. Our family had grown and changed, and frankly, I wanted us all to look spit-shined in every way. I rehearsed my then six-year-old daughter on her manners for sitting in church, the proper responses to greetings from adults, and the best way to respond to people who said, “I knew you back when you were just a little bitty toddler.” After my final rehearsal with her, she looked up at me and asked, “Mom, why are you doing all this manners stuff?”
Funny question, I thought, but I quickly found an acceptable answer, “Because I want people to see what a lovely young lady you’re growing up to be.”
With a very matter-of-fact look on her face, she pointedly replied, “And you want them to see what a good mother you are, don’t you?”
“Gasp! Impertinent child!” But after about 10 seconds of stunned silence, I had to admit to myself that I was busted. By a six-year-old! I wanted our friends to be impressed with me and I was using my daughter as a vehicle to advance my own reputation.
She has definitely nailed me more than once. Another time, speaking of vehicles, was in the church parking lot. Our church used to have morning and evening services. Katie wanted to attend morning, and the rest of us attended at 5:00. That meant on Sunday mornings I would roll out of bed, throw on some sweats, and drive up to church to drop her off.
I used to look down on the slovenly parents who would drop their kids off and not even attend the services themselves. To them, church was just free babysitting. So, when I would pull into the parking lot and the attendant would begin to usher me to a space, I would roll down my window and tell him, “I’m just dropping her off. We attend at 5:00.” One day Katie said, “Mom, that is so dumb that you tell him you attend at 5:00. Why do care what he thinks? Do you think he holds some kind of good parent/bad parent list in his parking lot vest? Do you think he turns that in to the church staff or something?”
This time I busted out laughing, knowing she was right again.
I Peter 5:6 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.” I think I’ve had a long-standing misunderstanding of that verse. Something like, “If you want God to lift you up…perhaps even put you on a pedestal… humble yourself under God’s mighty hand of judgement and you will eventually be admired and validated.” I don’t think that is what this verse is saying.
What if this verse instead means, “Willingly humble yourselves under God’s mighty hand, the very same hand that redeems your life from the pit, attached to the outstretched arm of the Lord that longs to show you compassion. After you’ve experienced the difficulty that brings about important character development, He will lift you up by drawing you closer to Himself as you discover He is all you need.”
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Relationships/ Psych
Humble Pie, Anyone?
I’ve often berated myself for my struggle with pride, but I’ve never really known how to get rid of it. When I would read passages in scripture talking about the Pharisees, I’d catch a glimpse of myself, which would make me want to run like crazy to get away from the feeling that I might be revolting to God- the very One I was trying to serve. I remember one time back in 1991, I was particularly disgusted with my pharisaical outlook, and I had studied quite a bit about how the enemies of true faith were often the ones who thought they had religion wrapped up in a neat box and tied with a bow.
“Lord,” I cried… “THAT IS ME! Are you completely disgusted with me? This has bothered me for several weeks now and if I can’t figure out how to conquer my pride and bring honor to you, I should just quit. But I don’t know how to be humble?”
I told my husband Tim of my spiritual discouragement, and he encouraged me to just keep praying about it. He said he would pray for me as well.
“Lord, I want to know what YOU think of me. For REAL. Are you disgusted with me? Do you want to vomit me out of your mouth? Are you a God who wants to “scatter the proud” or “oppose” people like me? Or, is it possible that you just love me, like I am, pride and all? God, I have to know. If I bring you dishonor, I should stop trying to serve you publicly. But if you love me and if I am right where you want me, will you show me a sign? That’s all…. I will just wait, and do my best to continue to obey as well as I know how.”
I think God has graciously allowed me to be on the A.D.D. plan to faith in Him. I can’t explain why He would be so gracious, but two days later, still discouraged, I was driving toward downtown on the Dallas North Tollway. There is billboard with interchangeable letters similar to a marquis. You’ll never guess what it said that day.
“I LOVE YOU, AMY.”
That’s it! A sign…I pulled over and laughed while I cried. Amazed at God’s sense of humor to show me an actual sign, and overwhelmed with His love and care for me, a proud sinner. Since that day, I have never doubted His love for me, but it has been many years since then, and I still don’t understand His perspective on humility and pride. Knowing His love isn’t hampered by my sin is always the best place to start.
However, I have recently tried to understand humility more fully. Humility, according to the dictionary, is having a modest understanding of one’s own importance. From a search in scripture, a few things became apparent to me.
1) Humility can be a choice. The Bible shows that some prideful people have willingly humbled themselves, therefore it is not just a state you fall into, or a character quality assigned to the blessed few.
2) We are invited to seek humility. Zeph 2: 5- Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility;
3) God can decide we need it, even if we don’t seek it for ourselves. Nearly all the scriptures regarding humility say either, “The person humbled himself before the Lord,” OR “The Lord humbled the person to teach them…” Given those two choices, a) willingly humbling myself or b) enduring being humbled BY God, which one would you choose? I know which one sounds more appealing to me!! But I have to admit I’ve had my share of both.
4) What does seeking humility involve? According to the verses I found, it involves prayer, turning away from what we know is wrong, seeking God’s face, repairing relationships, examining our motives, ministering to the lowly, accepting others, honoring God’s holiness, and welcoming tests without hiding.
5) Be careful of false humility. (Col. 2:20-23) And I liked this quote from Ben Franklin. Perhaps part of learning humility is never thinking you’ve eradicated pride.
“In reality there is perhaps no one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself…For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.“ – Benjamin Franklin
6) Pursue humility by openly acknowledging ourselves before the Lord. Pray- spiritually naked and unashamed, knowing “God loves us as we are, not as we should be. “ B. Manning.
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Christian, humility, miracle, pride
Toxic people or toxic me?
Okay, I admit it. I read self-help books. Yes, I need help! And there is plenty of self-help or relationship reading material that makes it easy to place blame for our problems on those around us- topics such as, “Toxic People,” or “Living with the Self-Absorbed,” or “The Angry Man.” However, all relationships naturally come to places of unrest and discontentment, and often, because we wouldn’t be having this “problem” if we were alone, the conflict of our differences makes us see the other person as the problem.
Recently, I was relaying a story about a difficult person and at the end of the story, I said, “She is a complete narcissist!” My shrink, David, said kindly, “I wholeheartedly agree you with you that she is, BUT if I were you, I would just file that information away somewhere in your brain where you can’t access it all the time. If you keep it open, you are likely to contaminate important relationships because your perspective will be one that elevates yourself over her. In your mind, you will think she is bad, and you are not, and eventually, you may end up justifying your own bad behavior. I would hate to see you contaminate a network of relationships that will operate better if you choose to think of her as just a person.” (okay, something like that…)
I had never thought about it like that, but I’m beginning to see how true it is. Although I’ve known the importance of being careful about the ways we think about others, I also thought there were some people who “clearly deserved negative labels.” By assigning the negative label, I could appropriately draw a boundary and not associate with that person, or perhaps, because of my inside knowledge, I should be the one to initiate a personal improvement plan for them since I could so clearly see the faults they were apparently blind to in themselves.
However, based on the words of Jesus, this thinking is clearly not in the best interest of anyone. It is judgment and condemnation at best, and at worst we are simply magnifying in the other person what we don’t like in ourselves. Christ invites us to be merciful, to refrain from judging and condemning. Who of us can unlock a person’s head and read his or her motives? Who can evaluate the hidden pain that brought them to the place they are today? Who can know the longings of his or her heart to be loved, accepted and valued? As my friend Mark said to me, “She is exposing the limits of your ability to love. Christ’s love is full of grace, given to us when we deserve nothing, and while we are still cherishing our sin. His love is not about getting something for Himself, but it is all about giving to another. So, she is exposing in you the ways your love breaks down when you aren’t getting what you want.”
Ouch! And TRUE! Luke 6:35-36 (just before the 6:37 passage) says, “I tell you, love your enemies. Give without expecting anything in return. You’ll never regret it. Your God created identity is to love the way our Father loves toward us, generously and graciously, even when we are at our worst.”
So what about boundaries? There is a time to operate according to what we VALUE in ourselves and others, instead of pushing out people for what we devalue in them. But according to Brennan Manning, in the Wisdom of Tenderness:
“We can only receive mercy if we are prepared to accept the company that Mercy places us in. It is no good wanting to be shown mercy and then reserving the right to look on disapprovingly at all the other fellows. Showing mercy isn’t easy when it comes to lavishing benevolence on ingrates who have no intention of reform. Yet that’s what Abba does. He himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. We can no longer come at God with our unwarranted professionalism or our obnoxious familiarity, and we know it. The more we realize everything is a gift, the more the tenor of our life becomes one of humble, joyful, thanksgiving.”
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Brennan Manning, Christian, humility, pride, relationships, Relationships/ Psych
6:37
I had a new book, The Wisdom of Tenderness, by my bedside table that I had just started reading. From the first pages, I recognized my NEED to read it. It is about embracing the mindset of Jesus, and looking at others with compassion and love. I had read just a little at night before I settled in to go to sleep. Then, this morning, I awoke in the middle of a dream in which I was asking Jesus, “What do you want to tell ME? If you could tell me one thing, that I would really “get,” what would you want me to hear?”
Before He answered, I woke up, looked at the clock, and thought, “Shoot, 6:37 on Saturday. I don’t even have to be awake, and I missed the best part of my dream.” Then, I felt the Spirit say…”6:37…that’s the answer. Look it up, start with John.”
I always have a twinge of doubt in my mind when I think I might be spiritualizing something that is actually not a lightening bolt from God. But here’s what I found. Of course, they were the words of Jesus.
John 6:37 The Father gives me the people who are mine. Every one of them will come to me, and I will always accept them.
And in two other versions:
Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.
All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.
Then, I felt the Spirit say, “That’s the most important part for you. Sit with it, meditate on it, let me know and love you. I will never drive you away. When you’re ready, flip to the previous book.
Look at the words of Jesus in Luke 6:37. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
And in The Message:
“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind. 37-38“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way.
I’m beginning to internalize a deeper impact of being so fully accepted by God- loved WITH my faults, not in spite of them.
And finally, Mark 6:37… again the words of Jesus. People were coming to Jesus, hungry and in need.
37 But he answered, “You give them something to eat.”
He IS asking me, like He invites all of us, to know Him fully, to rest in the truth of His unfailing love, and to extend His acceptance and compassion to others. To the hungry, to the failures, to the broken. Thank you Jesus! I am all those.
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: God's love, Jesus, mission, Spirituality
I have a counselor friend who regularly asks me tough questions about my marriage. One day, he was pressing me and I didn’t feel like answering him, so I hedged around that things were fine. I spouted off a couple of surface things I was “working on” to make it better. Once he was sure I was avoiding the question, he fixed me with stern gaze and said, “If you don’t get painfully honest about reality and take responsibility for yourself, you will go to your grave having missed out on your chance to love, and that…will be sad. You’ve got it all right there available to you, but if you keep lying to yourself, telling yourself you are doing your best when you are not, you will miss it and one chance is all you get. You think that if you say the right thing, you deserve to get what you want out of life, as if you are trying to convince yourself and everyone else that your half-invested efforts ought to be good enough to get all the best life has to offer. It just isn’t true, but I don’t think you are listening to me, so have fun faking it. You get what you pay for.” I was completely stunned, furious, tearful, insulted, and I never wanted to see him again. How dare he assume that I wasn’t trying hard enough! How did he have the gall to insinuate that my resentment was my own fault?
But after several weeks of thinking through what he had said, I grew to respect him deeply for it. He extended kindness to me by telling the truth about me and showing me that self-deception would not pay off in the long run. If I wanted to experience real love, I was going to have to be the lover I wanted to be. I needed to know what I was working for, and choose to do it, even when it was difficult, inconvenient, and required a sacrifice. I also needed the self-respect to discriminate between loving people well and pleasing them to get what I wanted.
Real love means I need to know what is strong and good in me and make decisions to extend that to my closest companions instead of hoard it for the more deserving. Most of all, loving well means I need to find a way to extend compassion while acknowledging the limitations of life. I need to love today because there is no guarantee. Sometimes loving well means taking a strong stand against destructive behavior, but refusing to extend our goodness and strength to those we are building relationships with is equal to cutting off our own nose to spite our face. Real love requires a willingness to discover the best you have to give, and the strength to face uncertain returns on your investment.
© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008
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Tags: Relationships/ Psych
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