Pass the Plate for Vibrators

04Apr08

Here’s an outrageous blunder that’s even worse than my last entry.  I used to play keyboards for our church worship band, so that meant lots of time on stage being aware of your posture and mannerisms.  Our pastor was detailing a “current needs giving opportunity” to the congregation and here is exactly what he said.

 

“We have been getting lots of new young families visiting our church lately.  As you know, most people who come to this church are not used to the church culture, so leaving their child in a nursery at a strange place can be unsettling.  What we’d like to do is take up a collection to purchase vibrators for all the young mothers so they can relax during the service.”  (oh, yes…he continued…)

 

“So, when the parents drop off their children at the nursery, the workers will simply give the mother a vibrator that she can take with her into the service.  If she gets anxious, she will know she has the vibrator and should anything go wrong, she will have an extra measure of confidence.  Now each of these vibrators costs $85, and if we had about 12…. blah, blah, blah, vibrator, vibrator, vibrator….”

 

Gasp!  He would NOT stop saying it!  Although he was completely clueless about the impact of his words, his wife, who was on stage with me, was so humiliated that she stepped behind the projector screen, thinking she was hidden from the audience.  Unfortunately, she was only doing a projected shadow dance of mortification for the entire audience and doubling the entertainment value of this colossal faux pas. She was alternating between fanning herself, burying her face in her hands, and doubling over from the emotional angst of it all.  

 

Maintaining composure on stage was nearly impossible.  Our bass player– a 21-year-old college student– looked like someone who had just opened a bag of salad slop, somehow missed during last year’s refrigerator clean -out.  The drummer had started frantically searching for something on the floor, desperate not to make eye contact with anyone.  I was hoping he had a button for a sneaky trap door or perhaps a gong that would end the torture.  The audience was wide eyed at first, but eventually the laughter was not contained.  But our pastor? He never caught on.  I was the next-up speaker to transition into our video.  Do I rescue this poor man?  Do I acknowledge what just happened here?  “Okay well… I’m sure we’ll all want to contribute to such a worthy cause for the kingdom.   Ahem…”

 

Of course, he meant to say PAGERS. I sometimes wonder how many times everyone else is clued in, and I have no idea how I’m coming across.  

A few weeks ago, I was at a social outing with my friends and I wondered what would happen if I didn’t try to influence the direction of the conversation.  I had just spent an exhausting day with a friend who was making everything into a conundrum and I wondered if I had the same impact on others.  So this time, I just listened, and made small non-influencing comments.  And I was shocked! After an nearly an hour of dialogue, we hadn’t moved off of the topic of various casserole preparations.  Oh..my…gosh! What if I’m always talking about deep topics and everyone else wants to talk about casseroles?  Can it be true that I am as clueless as my pastor was that day?

 

I laughed about my experiment with a friend a few days later.  She said, “Well, sometimes people do just want to go ‘ahhhh…. let’s talk about food…easy topic.’ But I assure you, you are so valued for what you bring to the table and our lives would be so much more humdrum if you didn’t push us to THINK.”  I’m definitely going to repeat the experiment.  Anyone got any good casserole recipes?

© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008

Filed under: Humor, relationships/ psychology   |  1 Comment
Tags: embarrassing moment, friendship, Humor, self-awareness